It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
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