I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
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