He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
