we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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