so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
