member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
