Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
you told grandpa to call you daddy
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
