I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
