party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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