So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Well I just put wine in my tea
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
