people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
