How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Randomize