she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
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