I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
she peed on how many people?
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
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