I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
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