If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Randomize
