Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
