You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
