mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
