Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
