you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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