butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
