why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
