I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
