Where is the hickey?
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Randomize
