I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
