If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
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