I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
