I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Randomize
