Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
