I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Randomize
