woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
We got so high we made milksteak
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
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