areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
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