I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
