sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
