It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
she peed on how many people?
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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