Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
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