So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Someone shattered a urinal.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Randomize
