Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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