I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
