everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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