I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
