So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Randomize
