their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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