I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
