So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
