i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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