So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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