after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
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