got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
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