before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
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