I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Randomize
