I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I'm bleeding and have questions
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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