my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
