You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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