i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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