Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Randomize
