I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
