If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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