It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
