dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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