It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Last time i carry you out of a forest
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
