I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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