Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
