Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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