it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
