Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
