Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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