Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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