I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
